Sitting here at Dunkin’ Donuts thinking about how Jesus saved my life while eating a donut and drinking coffee. I have a Doctor appointment in about an hour. It is not going to look good now. I thought it was to be earlier with fasting labs. I hadn’t eaten a thing since yesterday evening. I was ready. Turns out I was early and I am to go back later. I needed to get something to eat to cover all the insulin I injected earlier. So here I sit while sugar ooze through my veins thinking about how Jesus saved my life.
This is a testimony on how we don’t pay attention to our own sins. It just came to mind how ungrateful this act is. Intentionally, unintentionally everything we do counts. It just started out as having a donut. That simple, the adversary got me to do harm to myself. I’m not going to dwell on it. I messed up. I’m going to pray over it and move on.
Thank you for convicting me and blessing me. Please forgive me for my arrogance and ignorance. In not really thinking about it, I took a chance on possibly damaging my body causing an early ending to my life. Forgive me for not thinking of your perfect will for my life. Forgive me for not thinking of my family. Forgive me for not cooperating with the medical team you laid out for me to be healed. Forgive me for not showing courage and strength when the adversary tempted me. Lord, I love you and I will do better. The victory belongs to you Lord. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
I invited you into my day to hopefully show how easily we can be tempted. We need to be watchful at all times. How can we serve God’s will on this earth if we are not ready and able to serve. What is your weakness?
Glory be to God for giving me the courage to write this message.
I had been following a word prompt lately trying desperately to have something to say. Something that wasn’t truly ridiculous and nothing that was unsympathetic to other’s tragedy that surrounds me. Believe me I am on a cakewalk compared to a lot of people. I am so grateful for my life as torn as it is, I’m not broken, I’ve only been heartbroken and some days lonely. But I read a post of Facebook the other day saying something about, “if you can lift your head off the pillow, you have all you need.” It apparently was something a dying man was saying to his wife about her life after he was gone. I get it. It is so true. I’m here still amongst the living. I have breath, a pulse and a functioning brain. Everything else after that is icing on the cake.
There is so much goodness in my life that it feels strange to display. I am so at peace with everything that at times I feel …..guilty. Society has a way of dictating how we are supposed to feel, how we are supposed to display how we feel. Why am I supposed to feel sad and downtrodden? Who says I’m supposed to wear black. I might as well hide behind a black veil if that is the case. But I won’t and here is why.
I humbly come before you to explain why you see me living, smiling and enjoying my life. PLEASE forgive me if I am repeating myself but I can not pretend anymore.
My husband loved life. He loved me and gave me a good life. He loved the Lord and obeyed him as far as loving me and for those three reasons I am overjoyed.
I miss him so I wear the colors he loved to see me in. He hated that because of my profession I wore a lot of black. When I retired I threw most of it out and started wearing colors again. Color makes me happy and wearing them made him happy. So I honor him with my bright colors. I smile because he lived to make me smile and laugh. That’s all he wanted for me and our children, for us to be happy. He worked to give us security and comfort and we are so fortunate that he took his responsibility to us seriously. He believed in God’s command of what a husband and father’s responsibilities are to his family. He gave us everything he had to give and he is still giving to us more so now than ever before. So please give us a break when you see us having fun and moving on without him. It is just how we choose to pay our respects to the life he gave us. When he looks in on us I want him to see he gave us enough love to last our life time. I want God to see he did his duty.
I did not get to hear last words from his last breath but I did get to have the last words he wrote to me for our vow renewals the previous year. He closed it with, “I give you my hand, my heart and my love from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.” All I can say is I’m still here and I will honor his commitment for as long as I live.
Thank you for perusing and until next time, walk in joy.
I had an eye appointment and even though my pupils had been dilated I decided I would go on a guilty pleasure trip to Ollie’s – Good Stuff Cheap!I just like saying that.I walked around the store not looking for anything in particular and almost made it to the cash register with just a pair of earbuds when I saw a Honeywell Deluxe Steel Security Box. An impulse purchase. It caught my eye so I purchased it and took it home with me.I placed it on the desk and went upstairs to lay down.
This morning with my eyes completely opened I saw the box on the table.I can not for the life of me even begin to understand why I thought I needed it.Everything I had personally worth protecting is lost, was lost, is gone. My partner, my husband, my marriage, the life we were building, my future.My everything.It relates to one of my daddy’s sayings, not his originally, and definitely one of Derrick’s favorites, “Don’t lock the barn after the horses got out!”
I really don’t need the box.Anything I have worth keeping is free.My life.My salvation. God’s grace.Jesus’s love and the blessings bestowed on me are many according to his word and his love for me.I am just fine.I am at peace at the life I have now and I pray that you will come to know that God loves you too and if you believe that Jesus Christ came to earth and died for our sins and rose again the riches of his glorious inheritance is yours also.
I’m going to take the security box back tomorrow. I have all the security I need and victory is already mines.
I’m packing my toothbrush once again and Alex and I are heading to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Six months ago I would have never thought I would see this city, it wasn’t even on my bucket list. But God had another plan for me. I wanted to travel. I thought about being an airline stewardess when I graduated from high school but fear of being inadequate stopped me dead in my tracks. I wasn’t pretty enough. Everyone always said I was cute but stewardesses back then were gorgeous. I was too skinny and any other negative thing I thought of that held me back. I see they have relaxed the standard.😋 Good for them. I have met some wonderful everyday kind of people. The elite have no power now. Just genuinely nice people.
God is giving me the opportunity to live out the life I wanted for myself and my children. He took me back to the age of 17 just before I married and had children to remove the spirit of inadequacy. I’m not going to waste it. I bought 6 toothbrushes to start, I never bring back the one I used in another environment (my dad’s rule😋) and I plan on leaving alot more behind before I’m done. Lord willing.
I’ll be singing like Shirley Jones this weekend. Ohhhhla homa!!!!! I can’t hardly wait.
Venture out with me Wonderers. I promise I’ll take plenty of pictures.
Grandmom’s glider could surely keep the family secrets. How loyal it was to the family. It never rusted and never stopped gliding. We kids would sit out on the porch to eavesdrop on the grownup conversation. You could hear them talking over the big fan that was blowing in the window and we would sit awaiting the juicy news. Then someone would start gliding. Gliding faster and faster. You never noticed when it started to slow down. We all have a different opinion. It happened somewhere near the time when the rickety fan started its lullaby and the fragrances of honeysuckles and hydrangeas would fill the air. Somehow the gossip never filtered through. Childlike innocence was preserved for the glider never told the secrets. It kept us safe and secure from the scarring of growing up too fast. Until the grownup talks were silenced and we had the best summertime naps on grandmom’s porch.
We should have kept that glider for the new generation to keep them safe from all the stimulation and over sensory practices they are experiencing. Oh well, it would not have mattered anyway, they don’t go outside anymore.
Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so. I was told to paint. If you remember I had a canvas out waiting to start. I found this picture that I blogged in this post. So I’m updating the post to include my painting. I hope you enjoy it.
During the road trip To Philadelphia I came down for breakfast when I met Patricia. She said people call her Pat, some Tricia but family call her Patricia. She was older than me which made me feel comfortable. I always got along with older women.
After a few casual exchanges I asked if I could sit with her. We had a very long talk. She knew who I was because God sent her to give me a message. She started talking about her past which mirrored mines in so many ways. She gave confirmation to my thoughts. She had me down to the point of my existence. My attempt at existing.
We spoke of issues of abandonment, child molestation, physical abuse, verbal abuse, introverted shyness, being mean spirited, being angry with a hateful tongue, adultery, and all the other adversaries we encountered. Personalities that hid behind my confident smile.
And he still loves me. He chose me. He saved the spirit inside of me for a higher purpose. Elevated me from the mired in which I existed. Everything worked for good in the end. Even down to the reason why we were having breakfast. She was visiting with her daughters for a girl weekend just like me and my girls.
I was feeling hopeful so I showed her the pictures I took earlier that morning. I was so proud of the picture. She explained that I was the tall flower shinning in the light. The smaller flowers were babies in Christ. The flowers with lost peddles were older spirits and the dead flowers were all who had died and were waiting for Christ. The flower standing tall in the sun had come to it’s full potentials and was going to be plucked ….so I’ll tell you what I’ve learned.
Tomorrow is not promised. Live for God today. If you believe that Christ died for the sins of the world and rose again you will have salvation. There is nothing, nothing that can separate God’s love for you. There is nothing you could have done or had done to you that he will forsake you. Ask him for forgiveness with a grateful heart and he will save you. God is a God of love.
Love one another and love yourself.
Forgive yourself and forgive others.
Find joy in everything you do.
Live with appreciation and gratitude.
Pray about everything. Worry about nothing.
Meditation improves your relationship with God.
You don’t have to search for happiness. All God’s love is waiting for you!
I hope you’ve got your coffee and are ready to hear a little of my madness. It’s been a while so please be patient with me.
This summer being the great mom that I am, I purchased season passes to Carowinds, our local amusement park. Let’s not stop there I also purchased the drink plan and meal plan. Such a good mommy! Like the mom who sprinkles flour on her face when she makes rice crispy treats. 😜 Really though I have loved saying several times a week I might add, “Let’s go the Carowinds for dinner!” Every time-they react like it’s the first time I said it this season. Mental note moms: Children are so easy.
Now let me inform you I am not the amusement park type. I am not really the wanna be outside in the heat type either. My idea of “Ruffin it” is continental breakfast at Holiday Inn Express. 😳 And I don’t do rides. I do eat all the snacks under the rides while I wait although I’m not supposed too. Heck, if the lines are long enough, the world may never know! It will be our secret.
On to why you’re here. I decided there was a ride I wanted to try. It’s a ride that goes to air traffic control height and it looks like a carousel in the sky. My mission for the summer Wonderers! I thought, I’ll have to ease my way into it. J who is 6, wants to ride the swings. She just made the height chart and is super excited. I thought this to be the first step to my victory. She carefully selected her seat and waited for the ride to begin. I just grabbed the first seat I came too. I noticed she kept looking at me and I wondered if she was scared. Maybe I should have sat next to her. At lift off I was feeling a little panicky and when it started to swing I gripped the chains and started mumbling to Jesus. I could hear J laughing. I tried to open my eyes to see if she was laughing at me but the roof of an adjacent building was coming at me so I shut my eyes again. I was whimpering like a baby. I was really feeling anxious so I started praying for the Lord to stop the ride. As the ride started to lower I gave up all claims to ride the big carousel in the sky. My dream had been dashed and to make matters worst when the ride stopped and I opened my eyes my swing ramjacked the swing in front of me. Only mines did that. Everyone else’s stopped on point. Maybe that was the insult of being on the kiddie ride. When it was time to get off J turned to me and said, “that’s why I get on the inside swing! How humiliating! She did see me shivering in the air.
At the next ride I stayed on the ground and got me a funnel cake with powder sugar, vanilla ice cream and strawberries. I deserved it! Just when I sat down to eat it, it started to rain. Okay Derrick, okay God y’all got jokes. I looked inside my healthy backpack and “ Shazam!” Pulled out a ziplock bag!
Girl Scouts prepared me well. If you can’t fly high at least be able to cover ground. Oh! I gonna have to put that on a flag or something.
Have a great Monday Wonderers and thanks for perusing.