Look closely friends. I started out this project with a perfect point and the more I do, the less perfect they are. And quess what, it does not matter. I used to be a perfectionist. Everything had to be done a certain way. I had to control everything in fear that it would get messed up. Like when you have a barbecue and everyone has a list of side dishes to bring and everyone brings bake beans. That’s a lot of stress on a person and what’s worst people just let me have it. I assume they had no choice I trained them that way. I would never ask for help and if I did I couldn’t wait for them to do it at their leisure. I remember once we had a fish fry and my sister-in-law wanted to help. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off when I allowed her to season the fish. The event was a success and afterwards I went to thank her for her help. Her response was unexpected. She thanked me and went on to say how honored she was that I let her into my kitchen. She had married into the family 25 years ago and I had never let her rinse out a glass. Oh happy day, That evening I let her wash the dishes too! 😉
And it taught me a lesson. Here I was thinking when I invited people to my home I just wanted them to relax and be at peace when all they wanted to do was be apart of my world and share this moment.
Wonderers, I got off track on this pinwheel. Here’s the point. Perfectionism was one of my imperfections. Now that I see it in myself I pray to be able to loosen it and not be afraid to know God’s truth about me. That I am his child and he loves me unconditionally. God has graced me to be me and it feels good.
You can check this blog for errors and send me a list of corrections if you like. I have my children here with me and we are going to watch the Eagles play. Perfect happiness….them sharing this moment with me. My husband was a diehard Eagles fan. He passed on to glory after the Super Bowl last year. His final moment with us and I’m praying for the Eagles to play in the Super Bowl. God willing.
Thank you for perusing and listening to my prayer. #flyeaglesfly
There is a great disparity from the mother I wanted to be and the mother I sometimes was. I thank God that he restored me to the person I thought I was and not having remained the stressed out, overworked and emotionally dysfunctional woman he discarded.
Thank you father for loving me enough to correct me.
I did not know how it was going to be done, this getting through Thanksgiving without falling apart. This day made up of our traditions without the usual participants and their predictable actions. The day just started revolving on it own without knowledge or interference. It just revolved.
It started with an invitation, one that should have went out 6 years ago with the birth of the child that united our families. This family may have never known the gratitude felt that they are apart of this child’s life and therefore are an extension to mines. There should be no separation in a family that loves each other. It should not matter how we became family only that we are and the fact that the invitation was accepted and honored really supports our hearts are kindred spirits and we have something in common. The love of a child.
The menu kept changing as ingredients went missing, side dishes burnt up and things had to be restarted. Laughter was constant and attitudes were adjusted and we got through it. Some traditional dishes made it to the final list and some were deleted. Some new items like the coconut cake were welcome along with the new guests. Memories of thanksgiving past echoed throughout the kitchen especially last year’s challenge with no oven to use. It was not a problem, just a chance to go back to a simpler time we shared. The purchase of a roasting pan and the toaster oven saved the day. The children experienced how back in our time it took all day to cook Thanksgiving dinner while we bake one thing at a time in the toaster oven. There could have been nothing sweeter than to rejoice about this memory except for you being there and because of it you were. Its funny how we sometimes do not recognize our blessings when they are happening but when realized they are the most precious moments of our lives.
All day news of family gatherings and events all around the world had a new meaning. It felt good to hear that people where sharing the day with others and life was moving forward despite heartbreak and tragedy. After dinner was over and the house was quiet there was a phone call from a hospital room. Thank God that he is in control and every one is okay but there was a fleeting feeling. A reminder that we need to be thankful for every moment of our life and for every person in our lives past, present and future.
The day ended with another phone call from my friend. She knows God’s love and knows my heart. She was calling to confirm everything felt today was real because she felt it too through her own circumstances. So thankful for the many talks we have shared over the years and although I some times do not know how I am going to get through I’m Thankful we know….with God’s help this too shall pass.
Everything about art is exceptional to me and nothing about me is exceptional to art.
This reminds me of my father saying he was a Jack of all trades but a master of none. However in reality everything he did was exceptional. He was a good painter, electrician and contractor and people hired him to do all kinds of projects. It was not his job, it was his passion. He was humble about his abilities and would read up on the skills and just do it. I was in awe of his commitment to his exceptional gift of remodeling people’s homes and lives.
Today my daughter told me with each new medium I learn it only enhances my artistic abilities. She said she can’t wait to see what I come up with next and what I heard in my mind was….I’m a Jack of all trades and a master of none.
I pray I am showing those following me what my Dad gave me. Be humble and be willing to improve yourself and the lives of others through the means of your God given talents.
Sitting here at Dunkin’ Donuts thinking about how Jesus saved my life while eating a donut and drinking coffee. I have a Doctor appointment in about an hour. It is not going to look good now. I thought it was to be earlier with fasting labs. I hadn’t eaten a thing since yesterday evening. I was ready. Turns out I was early and I am to go back later. I needed to get something to eat to cover all the insulin I injected earlier. So here I sit while sugar ooze through my veins thinking about how Jesus saved my life.
This is a testimony on how we don’t pay attention to our own sins. It just came to mind how ungrateful this act is. Intentionally, unintentionally everything we do counts. It just started out as having a donut. That simple, the adversary got me to do harm to myself. I’m not going to dwell on it. I messed up. I’m going to pray over it and move on.
Thank you for convicting me and blessing me. Please forgive me for my arrogance and ignorance. In not really thinking about it, I took a chance on possibly damaging my body causing an early ending to my life. Forgive me for not thinking of your perfect will for my life. Forgive me for not thinking of my family. Forgive me for not cooperating with the medical team you laid out for me to be healed. Forgive me for not showing courage and strength when the adversary tempted me. Lord, I love you and I will do better. The victory belongs to you Lord. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
I invited you into my day to hopefully show how easily we can be tempted. We need to be watchful at all times. How can we serve God’s will on this earth if we are not ready and able to serve. What is your weakness?
Glory be to God for giving me the courage to write this message.
I’m trying to stay focused on God but something happens to me when I hear a lie. I just go all willy-nilly on a person. From 0 to 100 and back down to 75 is how my husband used to explain it. And it hurts. Not just me but everyone who is in the room, within earshot even. I hear them questioning what or who set me off. I didn’t want to be that person, I don’t even know when she appeared or when I became the one person I swore I would never be. I pray to bind that personality and I feel the difference when I hear the lie. I try to stay centered. Sometime I perfect it with grace. Other times I catch myself in mid hype and slow down the reaction. It’s the journey I’m traveling. The road to the crown is bumpy. It is my destination so I try to rise above it.
I had been following a word prompt lately trying desperately to have something to say. Something that wasn’t truly ridiculous and nothing that was unsympathetic to other’s tragedy that surrounds me. Believe me I am on a cakewalk compared to a lot of people. I am so grateful for my life as torn as it is, I’m not broken, I’ve only been heartbroken and some days lonely. But I read a post of Facebook the other day saying something about, “if you can lift your head off the pillow, you have all you need.” It apparently was something a dying man was saying to his wife about her life after he was gone. I get it. It is so true. I’m here still amongst the living. I have breath, a pulse and a functioning brain. Everything else after that is icing on the cake.
There is so much goodness in my life that it feels strange to display. I am so at peace with everything that at times I feel …..guilty. Society has a way of dictating how we are supposed to feel, how we are supposed to display how we feel. Why am I supposed to feel sad and downtrodden? Who says I’m supposed to wear black. I might as well hide behind a black veil if that is the case. But I won’t and here is why.
I humbly come before you to explain why you see me living, smiling and enjoying my life. PLEASE forgive me if I am repeating myself but I can not pretend anymore.
My husband loved life. He loved me and gave me a good life. He loved the Lord and obeyed him as far as loving me and for those three reasons I am overjoyed.
I miss him so I wear the colors he loved to see me in. He hated that because of my profession I wore a lot of black. When I retired I threw most of it out and started wearing colors again. Color makes me happy and wearing them made him happy. So I honor him with my bright colors. I smile because he lived to make me smile and laugh. That’s all he wanted for me and our children, for us to be happy. He worked to give us security and comfort and we are so fortunate that he took his responsibility to us seriously. He believed in God’s command of what a husband and father’s responsibilities are to his family. He gave us everything he had to give and he is still giving to us more so now than ever before. So please give us a break when you see us having fun and moving on without him. It is just how we choose to pay our respects to the life he gave us. When he looks in on us I want him to see he gave us enough love to last our life time. I want God to see he did his duty.
I did not get to hear last words from his last breath but I did get to have the last words he wrote to me for our vow renewals the previous year. He closed it with, “I give you my hand, my heart and my love from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.” All I can say is I’m still here and I will honor his commitment for as long as I live.
Thank you for perusing and until next time, walk in joy.
We lust for the good life. We chase after success, fame, wealth and love. We’re so hard on the chase we miss the little opportunities that would have made a difference in where we end up,
In the pursuit of wealth we sacrifice our family. We miss reunions, dance recitals and kindergarten graduation because we think that job can not go on without us. Your children’s accomplishments needed that same respect. This was their one time event that went on without you and no matter how many pictures and videos were taken so you could “be there” you will never be apart of it.
In the pursuit of success set a ceiling for yourself and your family so the power does not go to your head. Your job’s congratulations and promotions are not the success your seeking. Your only the hero as long as you are there. Don’t let your job tell your family, “Thank you for sacrificing him.” Be the hero of your children. They know how hard you worked for them but they know so little about you personally because you were not there to tell all your success stories.
In the pursuit of fame you will never achieve it at your job. A job is means to support yourself not to make you famous. No matter how high you climb a fall from grace will make you start over again. Your family will always hold you in high esteem. Even if you falter they will hold you up until the end of time.
In the pursuit of love stay focused on the prize. Don’t get it twisted. As much as you think you love your job, it don’t love you. It will use you until it uses you up. Love is waiting for you to come home. There is dinner ready and the children are waiting to tell you all the exciting things that happened while you were at work.
Think about it. There are only 24 hours in a day. If you work 8-12 hours and get some sleep, how much time is left for your family. Your family is willing to make adjustment to make time for you to be home more. The question is, are you?