Cloud formations constantly change. You look at the sky and you see one thing. You look back and the image has softened or disappeared. You only have an instant to see, meditate, reflect and share a provoking image but with technology we can now capture an imagine and hold it to analyze our thoughts into words and put all the pieces together and have proof of our experience. Not that we need proof but sometimes we can not explain the supernatural in words. We wait on evidence of an unspoken promise. Confirmation.
Praying for help is the only resource available and I have faith that my supplications and prayer requests are being heard. I sometimes question if I really am experiencing the supernatural and I did not want to be the person that reveals and connects they see God in everything but guess what….he is in everything so try to convict me if you must but here it goes.
I’m trying to be both parents in my household and I’m praying to be the structure that my husband was to our children. I’m the unorthodox parent, the fun and flaky disciplinarian. But my young men need the structure and I cried out to God in desperation for help. It came to me to do one of my husband’s tricks which I threatened for several days when it came to me I had to actually do it to get the point across. So you can follow my thoughts process, my husband would talk of sprinkling water on the children if he could not get them out of bed. Just hearing the water run was enough to get them stirring. I tried it but they knew I wouldn’t go through with it. Instead of yelling and getting upset I had to get their attention. I started to trickle the water on the pillow and the boy sat up and he said, “there’s an “x” on the pillow. I looked and said, “x marks the spot.” We had a long talk about expectations and what kind of person I needed him to be so I could be the person God needed me to be. We left the conversation at that and I took him to school. You have heard me speak of the road we travel to school everyday and I feel God is with me most on this path and this day was no different. When we arrived at the entrance of school, he got out and when I looked up this is what I saw.
Coincidence, maybe. I say it is God confirming he heard my cry and he let me and the boy both know he is with us and he will never leave us. I went home and prayed for over a few more things that were blocking me from having a clean heart and stilling my joy . The response:
Keep in mind I live 15 minutes from school so it is not the same sky. What it is no matter how they got there is this. God has dominion over the heavens and earth and he loves us enough to answer our prayers. Be assured he is listening.
And I think this could be the heart be my next painting.
Thank you for perusing and may God bless you and keep you today and always.
I’m trying to stay focused on God but something happens to me when I hear a lie. I just go all willy-nilly on a person. From 0 to 100 and back down to 75 is how my husband used to explain it. And it hurts. Not just me but everyone who is in the room, within earshot even. I hear them questioning what or who set me off. I didn’t want to be that person, I don’t even know when she appeared or when I became the one person I swore I would never be. I pray to bind that personality and I feel the difference when I hear the lie. I try to stay centered. Sometime I perfect it with grace. Other times I catch myself in mid hype and slow down the reaction. It’s the journey I’m traveling. The road to the crown is bumpy. It is my destination so I try to rise above it.
I had been following a word prompt lately trying desperately to have something to say. Something that wasn’t truly ridiculous and nothing that was unsympathetic to other’s tragedy that surrounds me. Believe me I am on a cakewalk compared to a lot of people. I am so grateful for my life as torn as it is, I’m not broken, I’ve only been heartbroken and some days lonely. But I read a post of Facebook the other day saying something about, “if you can lift your head off the pillow, you have all you need.” It apparently was something a dying man was saying to his wife about her life after he was gone. I get it. It is so true. I’m here still amongst the living. I have breath, a pulse and a functioning brain. Everything else after that is icing on the cake.
There is so much goodness in my life that it feels strange to display. I am so at peace with everything that at times I feel …..guilty. Society has a way of dictating how we are supposed to feel, how we are supposed to display how we feel. Why am I supposed to feel sad and downtrodden? Who says I’m supposed to wear black. I might as well hide behind a black veil if that is the case. But I won’t and here is why.
I humbly come before you to explain why you see me living, smiling and enjoying my life. PLEASE forgive me if I am repeating myself but I can not pretend anymore.
My husband loved life. He loved me and gave me a good life. He loved the Lord and obeyed him as far as loving me and for those three reasons I am overjoyed.
I miss him so I wear the colors he loved to see me in. He hated that because of my profession I wore a lot of black. When I retired I threw most of it out and started wearing colors again. Color makes me happy and wearing them made him happy. So I honor him with my bright colors. I smile because he lived to make me smile and laugh. That’s all he wanted for me and our children, for us to be happy. He worked to give us security and comfort and we are so fortunate that he took his responsibility to us seriously. He believed in God’s command of what a husband and father’s responsibilities are to his family. He gave us everything he had to give and he is still giving to us more so now than ever before. So please give us a break when you see us having fun and moving on without him. It is just how we choose to pay our respects to the life he gave us. When he looks in on us I want him to see he gave us enough love to last our life time. I want God to see he did his duty.
I did not get to hear last words from his last breath but I did get to have the last words he wrote to me for our vow renewals the previous year. He closed it with, “I give you my hand, my heart and my love from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.” All I can say is I’m still here and I will honor his commitment for as long as I live.
Thank you for perusing and until next time, walk in joy.