All That I Can Say

Good morning Wonderers;

I had been following a word prompt lately trying desperately to have something to say.  Something that wasn’t truly ridiculous and nothing that was unsympathetic to other’s tragedy that surrounds me.  Believe me I am on a cakewalk compared to a lot of people. I am so grateful for my life as torn as it is, I’m not broken, I’ve only been heartbroken and some days lonely.   But I read a post of Facebook the other day saying something about, “if you can lift your head off the pillow, you have all you need.”  It apparently was something a dying man was saying to his wife about  her life after he was gone.  I get it.  It is so true.  I’m here still amongst the living.  I have breath, a pulse and a functioning brain.  Everything else after that is icing on the cake.

There is so much goodness in my life that it feels strange to display.  I am so at peace with everything that at times I feel …..guilty.  Society has a way of dictating how we are supposed to feel, how we are supposed to display how we feel.  Why am I supposed to feel sad and downtrodden?  Who says I’m supposed to wear black.  I might as well hide behind a black veil if that is the case.  But I won’t and here is why.

I humbly come before you to explain why you see me living, smiling and enjoying my life.  PLEASE forgive me if I am repeating myself but I can not pretend anymore.

My husband loved life.  He loved me and gave me a good life.  He loved the Lord and obeyed him as far as loving me and for those three reasons I am overjoyed.

I miss him so I wear the colors he loved to see me in.  He hated that because of my profession I wore a lot of black.  When I retired I threw most of it out and started wearing colors again.  Color makes me happy and wearing them made him happy.  So I honor him with my bright colors.  I smile because he lived to make me smile and laugh.  That’s all he wanted for me and our children, for us to be happy.  He worked to give us security and comfort and we are so fortunate that he took his responsibility to us seriously.   He believed in God’s command of what a husband and father’s responsibilities are to his family.  He gave us everything he had to give and he is still giving to us more so now than ever before.  So please give us a break when you see us having fun and moving on without him.  It is just how we choose to pay our respects to the life he gave us.  When he looks in on us I want him to see he gave us enough love to last our life time.  I want God to see he did his duty.

I did not get to hear last words from his last breath but I did get to have the last words he wrote to me for our vow renewals the previous year.  He closed it with, “I give you my hand, my heart and my love from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.”  All I can say is I’m still here and I will honor his commitment for as long as I live.

Thank you for perusing and until next time, walk in joy.

Denise

His Girls

He asked, “What are my girls gonna do when I’m gone?”

        Well:

The girl woke up and changed her mind about what’s important in life.

One girl quit her job and followed her dream.

Another one took a class so maybe she can get an office job.

The littlest of them all started reading and writing her own notes saying they came from you telling them all:  “You are loved bekus you love from the heart.  

Today without you the girls drove from South Carolina to Philadelphia.

Without you the girls leaned into Jesus Christ who strengthens them and gives them perfect love.

The girls got moxie.


<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/moxie/”>Moxie</a&gt;

Good News Quill

EDITED FOR HUMILITY

Good Afternoon Wonderers:

It is so hard to sound humble when you are excited about the miracles God is doing in your life.  My apology if I offend anyone by this blog, in particular.  I have a story to tell and I am concerned most of offending God.

In desperation after my husband death, I had been collecting feathers that I found in the most peculiar of places.  They would appear after I would come out of an emotional breakdown of sorts.  Crying to my husband about where he was and if he was happy.  Fussing with him and just out loud screaming why he left me behind.

The first came as a tiny white quill.  I found it at the base of his chair right after I had vacuumed.   I remembered reading something about angels leaving feathers behind so I looked it up on Google what a white feather would mean.   A white feather could mean an angel is with you.  It could also be the answer that my husband arrived and that he was happy.

The second feather was a little larger still with a white quill sitting on the bathroom counter.  I took it to mean that I was being comforted and that I was on the right path to finding my soul’s purpose.  It suddenly got serious to me so I put them into a container so I would not lose them.  I literally assumed they were coming from my husband although he was not an angel.  I forgot about that part.  He is just an angel to me and I was missing him.

It was the third feather with an even larger quill and an even brighter white aura when I did I understand it to symbolized hope and faith and that there is a connection between both the physical and spiritual worlds.

Since that time, I have found a few more feathers and the biggest of all is a yellow feather. Ask-angels.com states it is, “A reminder to be cheerful and light-hearted, to be present, alert, and to stay focused on what you desire to magnetize these blessings into your life.”

God is so good to me.  My mediation with Dr. Tony Evans pointed me to Luke 4:18.  From the scroll of the prophet Isaiah Jesus read:

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

WOW GOD.  You sent your only begotten son to erase the sins of the world.  He died for us so we could be free and have everlasting life.  Thank you for my salvation and entrusting me to spread the Good News.  I am forever your humble servant.

This morning the writing prompt sent me to reflect on these quills.  When I picked up the container I placed them in it says, “Don’t forget the power of prayer!  HAVE FAITH!

Have Faith of a mustard seed Wonderers and enjoy this beautiful day!

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/quill/”>Quill</a&gt;

Plucked for the Quest to the Pineapple

Good morning Wonderers:

i think I have to go back a moment and explain my journey a little so you can better understand me.

I have Had a great life to this point even though it was marked with hidden personality traits that I did not understand how they were using me.  Becoming a four o’clock resulted from the experiences of my life some of which happened even before I was born.  These traits I had no control of how they happened.  I could only change how I responded to them.  Over the next few weeks I am going to point them out so maybe you too can overcome your bondage.  So that you know what I’m talking about here, I’m talking about karma.  So stay tune for that……

but today I want to talk about the Spirit of Joy.  My quest to the pineapple.  My quest to receive the crown of eternal life.

Yesterday the Mundy crew went to Six Flags in Atlanta, Georgia.  I was reflecting on the past in a moment of time when I should have been in the present.  I was covered in regret.  I just started to smile and I could feel the Spirit lifting up in me.  The Spirit of pure joy.  I was remembering this scripture.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy –think about such things.”  Philippians 4:8

I received it and started to get light.  The power of the mind and heart can change any situation when you walk with Jesus.  He and the Holy Ghost will comfort you.  God did not mean for me to be this wildflower.

I plucked that emotion  and pulled it right out of the atmosphere.  Point, pluck and pull!

The quest to the pineapple is by plucking one wildflower at a time.

Have a God blessed day Wonderers until we meet

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/pluck/”>Pluck</a&gt;

Parable of a Wild Flower

Hello Wonderers:

Following my meditation on Galatians Chapter 5. I want to tell you my story.

Have you ever wondered if you were a flower, what type of flower would you be? Personally I never thought about it but apparently I do carry the characteristic of a flower. I am Mirabilis Jalapa. To you and me just the old fashioned Four O’clocks.

Like the flower I was easy to raise. I remember how I came to this flower. My coworker gave me some seeds and told me, “Just scratch up the ground and throw them down but make sure they are where you want them.” I did just that and they grew into the most ample set of leaves with little flowers are over it. Like it was shy of showing its full potential but everyone could see it had a real possibility to be a showstopper. When I was born into the world, my mother rejected me because she wanted all boys. She was so adamant about it the nurses would not give me to her for fear that she would harm me. That was fear on her part. I don’t think she didn’t love me. I think she was afraid of raising a daughter. Maybe she knew there was a pattern of hurt that I was going to endure because she too endured it. Maybe it was anxiety that she could not do it justice because she was so damaged herself and from the beginning she just wanted to avoid it. Either way, my grandmother saw the value in me at birth and swooped me into her arms closing the bond that should have been between my mother and me. Being the middle child she didn’t really have time for me. Her oldest and youngest children had more urgent medical issues to deal with. I remember asking her about it and she said, “I didn’t need her, they did!” What she could not see was the fear and anxiety she transferred to me. Two negative traits I fought to suppress all my life. Winning mostly but losing just the same.

Four o’clocks can tolerate a wide range of conditions. They are easy to care for because they don’t need much attention. I was an anxious kid having to get my knuckles whacked every day in kindergarten because I would knock over my milk. In my elementary years I used to come home from school and sit in the corner and read books. I remember being home alone. I would just sit and wait until my grandmother would swing by and pick me up if my mother was going to be late. I did not know I could read until fourth grade. Being a shy kid I would not have ever read in class. After I discovered I could read, I became a bookworm. I never wanted to play outside. I was content just reading my books. Books had the ability to take you anywhere you wanted to go. Away from isolation, unhealthy relationships, even boredom and despair. The love of reading kept me out of other people’s way and gave me a purpose until I found love. Love brought to my life a garden. A family.

In the garden the four o’clock is a show stopper. It controls any location and thrives against all odds. It is controlling and will tower over any nearby plants. Sometimes it will cause such a shadow that the underlying plants can not get enough sun and nutrients. I can see now how I had control over my family. I took responsibility of everything and everybody. I gave all of myself so much so I had nothing left from my heart to give and I would become angry. Not at any one person but at the whole situation. At times I would be outside of myself and when difficulties occurred, I could lash out and cause discord. In Galatians 5:23 it says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. All of which are in us to freely give but when you live in fear you forget who you are. You are a child of God and if you become hateful and selfish God does not like it and you know it so you rest until a new day begins and you wait until four o’clock again.

This time in the garden, it is about remaining quiet and composed until the appointed hour to come alive and vibrant again bringing all the love and beauty to the gardener. I think back to how I would patiently wait all day for 4:00 p.m. for my day to begin. I would lay low, keeping the house quiet so my husband could sleep. I would go about my day taking care of errands but staying close to home giving little time to myself or others trying desperately to be available if he needed me. I kept my house immaculate and my children orderly and active outside of the house. Inside they also had to be reserved. My husband never demanded any of it. It was just easier to be complacent. So at the appointed hour I was ready to give all of myself to him for the little time we would get to spend together. I would praise him and give him all the credit for the things he was doing for our family. All in his own strength not God’s. He was the gardener in our garden. Galatians 5:19 speaks of idolatry. We are not to put anything or anyone before God. It was okay for me to be submissive to my husband but coupled with fear and a obsessive desire to constantly please made me a servant to him. I thought Serving him was my way of showing God’s love but when fear, anxiety and anger came into play it became burdensome and none of my actions were voluntarily given. The Spirit was in bondage.

I feel I am to tell my story. I hope you will read Galatians Chapter 5 for yourself and see how it relates to your life.

The garden of four o’clocks has been turned under and the gardener has hung up his hoe. God is now maintaining the garden and there is new freedom in Christ. “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and so not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1. This is the message I received. I will never again go back to living in fear. I will live by the Spirit. If I am going to be a flower I will be a pineapple. I will hold my head up high, wear a crown and be full of sweetness.

God wants us all to be filled with joy Wonderers.

Until next time, Thank you for perusing and have a good night rest. God Bless You!

Denise Mundy

On the Ledge (so to speak)

 

Some days ago I woke up feeling like my normal self.  It was short lived but nice just the same.  I have been missing in action for quite some time.  Invisible to the world.  Being a caregiver took up so much of my time (no complaints) and the felt the care of I giving became insufficient for my husband went on to glory days.  Just like a plant I was continually watering and accidently drowned.  It felt as if my good intentions went to waste.

Shortly after I awoke I realized it was my husband’s birthday tomorrow and I needed to get flowers to put on his gravesite.  Plastic flowers because people will not let the real one stay in place.  Who robs a departed soul? People who have no soul I assume.  Then I began to cry, sob uncontrollably because he should not be there.  Not in the ground and definitely not in that location.  He should still be here with me and our family.  I made the wrong decision.  A decision I can not change.  A decision that was only mines to make.  A decision I did not have time to fully consider.  Ultimately a decision I had no control over.  God had all the control over the ultimate situation.  But I still felt that in some way I was to blame.

So today here I sit, on the ledge, writing about how I feel.  It is not my first letter.  I’ve written plenty to God, my husband and to myself  looking for both questions and answers.  I get answers but still I move in and out of acceptance like I change underwear.  Everyday is a new reality.  So how do I keep getting back to the first day over and over again?

Plain and simple.  Doubt.

It does not matter whether it is weakness, fear, feelings of defeat, loneliness, etc… The enemy will use your despair to defeat you where he can.

This is when I started to cry and moan and I prayed to the Holy Spirit to help me and comfort me.  Romans 8:26-27 says “the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words we can not express.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

I know it is true because I quickly and quietly get back to the place of acceptance.  Over the last few months I have asked the Spirit to quiet my thoughts, help me find peace, and whatever else I consciously and unconsciously asked for and it was given to me.  God’s love and concern for me never wavers.  He is restoring me back to the path he placed me on some time ago.  He tells me I am redeemed.  I do not need to be on this ledge for he has a purpose for me.  A purpose far beyond my reach.  A plan that I have been seeking validating for.

Well Wonderers I am here to tell you God has already validated you.  His grace is more than sufficient.  Have faith in his promises.  Love life, love yourself and be grateful for your family and friends.  Speak with kind words and with positivity.  What you put out in the universe manifests itself.  God only wants what is best for you.

Until we meet again keeping looking for the wonders of life and thanks for perusing.