Sitting here at Dunkin’ Donuts thinking about how Jesus saved my life while eating a donut and drinking coffee. I have a Doctor appointment in about an hour. It is not going to look good now. I thought it was to be earlier with fasting labs. I hadn’t eaten a thing since yesterday evening. I was ready. Turns out I was early and I am to go back later. I needed to get something to eat to cover all the insulin I injected earlier. So here I sit while sugar ooze through my veins thinking about how Jesus saved my life.
This is a testimony on how we don’t pay attention to our own sins. It just came to mind how ungrateful this act is. Intentionally, unintentionally everything we do counts. It just started out as having a donut. That simple, the adversary got me to do harm to myself. I’m not going to dwell on it. I messed up. I’m going to pray over it and move on.
Thank you for convicting me and blessing me. Please forgive me for my arrogance and ignorance. In not really thinking about it, I took a chance on possibly damaging my body causing an early ending to my life. Forgive me for not thinking of your perfect will for my life. Forgive me for not thinking of my family. Forgive me for not cooperating with the medical team you laid out for me to be healed. Forgive me for not showing courage and strength when the adversary tempted me. Lord, I love you and I will do better. The victory belongs to you Lord. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
I invited you into my day to hopefully show how easily we can be tempted. We need to be watchful at all times. How can we serve God’s will on this earth if we are not ready and able to serve. What is your weakness?
Glory be to God for giving me the courage to write this message.
Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so. I was told to paint. If you remember I had a canvas out waiting to start. I found this picture that I blogged in this post. So I’m updating the post to include my painting. I hope you enjoy it.
During the road trip To Philadelphia I came down for breakfast when I met Patricia. She said people call her Pat, some Tricia but family call her Patricia. She was older than me which made me feel comfortable. I always got along with older women.
After a few casual exchanges I asked if I could sit with her. We had a very long talk. She knew who I was because God sent her to give me a message. She started talking about her past which mirrored mines in so many ways. She gave confirmation to my thoughts. She had me down to the point of my existence. My attempt at existing.
We spoke of issues of abandonment, child molestation, physical abuse, verbal abuse, introverted shyness, being mean spirited, being angry with a hateful tongue, adultery, and all the other adversaries we encountered. Personalities that hid behind my confident smile.
And he still loves me. He chose me. He saved the spirit inside of me for a higher purpose. Elevated me from the mired in which I existed. Everything worked for good in the end. Even down to the reason why we were having breakfast. She was visiting with her daughters for a girl weekend just like me and my girls.
I was feeling hopeful so I showed her the pictures I took earlier that morning. I was so proud of the picture. She explained that I was the tall flower shinning in the light. The smaller flowers were babies in Christ. The flowers with lost peddles were older spirits and the dead flowers were all who had died and were waiting for Christ. The flower standing tall in the sun had come to it’s full potentials and was going to be plucked ….so I’ll tell you what I’ve learned.
Tomorrow is not promised. Live for God today. If you believe that Christ died for the sins of the world and rose again you will have salvation. There is nothing, nothing that can separate God’s love for you. There is nothing you could have done or had done to you that he will forsake you. Ask him for forgiveness with a grateful heart and he will save you. God is a God of love.
Love one another and love yourself.
Forgive yourself and forgive others.
Find joy in everything you do.
Live with appreciation and gratitude.
Pray about everything. Worry about nothing.
Meditation improves your relationship with God.
You don’t have to search for happiness. All God’s love is waiting for you!
I’m trying to stay focused on God but something happens to me when I hear a lie. I just go all willy-nilly on a person. From 0 to 100 and back down to 75 is how my husband used to explain it. And it hurts. Not just me but everyone who is in the room, within earshot even. I hear them questioning what or who set me off. I didn’t want to be that person, I don’t even know when she appeared or when I became the one person I swore I would never be. I pray to bind that personality and I feel the difference when I hear the lie. I try to stay centered. Sometime I perfect it with grace. Other times I catch myself in mid hype and slow down the reaction. It’s the journey I’m traveling. The road to the crown is bumpy. It is my destination so I try to rise above it.
I had been following a word prompt lately trying desperately to have something to say. Something that wasn’t truly ridiculous and nothing that was unsympathetic to other’s tragedy that surrounds me. Believe me I am on a cakewalk compared to a lot of people. I am so grateful for my life as torn as it is, I’m not broken, I’ve only been heartbroken and some days lonely. But I read a post of Facebook the other day saying something about, “if you can lift your head off the pillow, you have all you need.” It apparently was something a dying man was saying to his wife about her life after he was gone. I get it. It is so true. I’m here still amongst the living. I have breath, a pulse and a functioning brain. Everything else after that is icing on the cake.
There is so much goodness in my life that it feels strange to display. I am so at peace with everything that at times I feel …..guilty. Society has a way of dictating how we are supposed to feel, how we are supposed to display how we feel. Why am I supposed to feel sad and downtrodden? Who says I’m supposed to wear black. I might as well hide behind a black veil if that is the case. But I won’t and here is why.
I humbly come before you to explain why you see me living, smiling and enjoying my life. PLEASE forgive me if I am repeating myself but I can not pretend anymore.
My husband loved life. He loved me and gave me a good life. He loved the Lord and obeyed him as far as loving me and for those three reasons I am overjoyed.
I miss him so I wear the colors he loved to see me in. He hated that because of my profession I wore a lot of black. When I retired I threw most of it out and started wearing colors again. Color makes me happy and wearing them made him happy. So I honor him with my bright colors. I smile because he lived to make me smile and laugh. That’s all he wanted for me and our children, for us to be happy. He worked to give us security and comfort and we are so fortunate that he took his responsibility to us seriously. He believed in God’s command of what a husband and father’s responsibilities are to his family. He gave us everything he had to give and he is still giving to us more so now than ever before. So please give us a break when you see us having fun and moving on without him. It is just how we choose to pay our respects to the life he gave us. When he looks in on us I want him to see he gave us enough love to last our life time. I want God to see he did his duty.
I did not get to hear last words from his last breath but I did get to have the last words he wrote to me for our vow renewals the previous year. He closed it with, “I give you my hand, my heart and my love from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.” All I can say is I’m still here and I will honor his commitment for as long as I live.
Thank you for perusing and until next time, walk in joy.
We ride the carousel round and round afraid to get off in fear that if we do, we will miss the last turn, so we ride until it stops. Why is that?
You had an opportunity to pick the horse. Maybe you picked the stationary one because you know your limitations. Maybe you picked the one moving up and down because you crave excitement. Just going round and round wasn’t enough. Or worse yet, you settled on the only available horse betting that nothing better would come along or the one you wanted wasn’t worth the work or the wait.
Looking back, were you wrong? Was your horse worth all you sacrificed for? Was your horse worth the ride? Only you know the answer to this question and only you know when it’s time to get off the sadly-go-round.
Is it time for a revision?
Look closely at your life and sort out all that is keeping you circling outside of your destiny. All that you need to succeed is already in you. You just need to be assertive on the merry-go-round. Ride it and build up your courage and strength then get off and live the life that is created just for you. That’s what you need to remember. The choice is still yours. You don’t have to keep riding the dark horse. You don’t have to keep riding in darkness. Let him take the reigns and together ride towards the sun. Your destiny awaits Wonderers.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
There is no need to rush. Just sit back and enjoy the wonder of it all. Once you accept it you will see it was yours all along. You just needed to open up your mind’s eye, your heart and your soul to it. In the quietness you found all you were waiting for. In the quietness you found you. You found self control.