I had been following a word prompt lately trying desperately to have something to say. Something that wasn’t truly ridiculous and nothing that was unsympathetic to other’s tragedy that surrounds me. Believe me I am on a cakewalk compared to a lot of people. I am so grateful for my life as torn as it is, I’m not broken, I’ve only been heartbroken and some days lonely. But I read a post of Facebook the other day saying something about, “if you can lift your head off the pillow, you have all you need.” It apparently was something a dying man was saying to his wife about her life after he was gone. I get it. It is so true. I’m here still amongst the living. I have breath, a pulse and a functioning brain. Everything else after that is icing on the cake.
There is so much goodness in my life that it feels strange to display. I am so at peace with everything that at times I feel …..guilty. Society has a way of dictating how we are supposed to feel, how we are supposed to display how we feel. Why am I supposed to feel sad and downtrodden? Who says I’m supposed to wear black. I might as well hide behind a black veil if that is the case. But I won’t and here is why.
I humbly come before you to explain why you see me living, smiling and enjoying my life. PLEASE forgive me if I am repeating myself but I can not pretend anymore.
My husband loved life. He loved me and gave me a good life. He loved the Lord and obeyed him as far as loving me and for those three reasons I am overjoyed.
I miss him so I wear the colors he loved to see me in. He hated that because of my profession I wore a lot of black. When I retired I threw most of it out and started wearing colors again. Color makes me happy and wearing them made him happy. So I honor him with my bright colors. I smile because he lived to make me smile and laugh. That’s all he wanted for me and our children, for us to be happy. He worked to give us security and comfort and we are so fortunate that he took his responsibility to us seriously. He believed in God’s command of what a husband and father’s responsibilities are to his family. He gave us everything he had to give and he is still giving to us more so now than ever before. So please give us a break when you see us having fun and moving on without him. It is just how we choose to pay our respects to the life he gave us. When he looks in on us I want him to see he gave us enough love to last our life time. I want God to see he did his duty.
I did not get to hear last words from his last breath but I did get to have the last words he wrote to me for our vow renewals the previous year. He closed it with, “I give you my hand, my heart and my love from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.” All I can say is I’m still here and I will honor his commitment for as long as I live.
Thank you for perusing and until next time, walk in joy.
We ride the carousel round and round afraid to get off in fear that if we do, we will miss the last turn, so we ride until it stops. Why is that?
You had an opportunity to pick the horse. Maybe you picked the stationary one because you know your limitations. Maybe you picked the one moving up and down because you crave excitement. Just going round and round wasn’t enough. Or worse yet, you settled on the only available horse betting that nothing better would come along or the one you wanted wasn’t worth the work or the wait.
Looking back, were you wrong? Was your horse worth all you sacrificed for? Was your horse worth the ride? Only you know the answer to this question and only you know when it’s time to get off the sadly-go-round.
Is it time for a revision?
Look closely at your life and sort out all that is keeping you circling outside of your destiny. All that you need to succeed is already in you. You just need to be assertive on the merry-go-round. Ride it and build up your courage and strength then get off and live the life that is created just for you. That’s what you need to remember. The choice is still yours. You don’t have to keep riding the dark horse. You don’t have to keep riding in darkness. Let him take the reigns and together ride towards the sun. Your destiny awaits Wonderers.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
There is no need to rush. Just sit back and enjoy the wonder of it all. Once you accept it you will see it was yours all along. You just needed to open up your mind’s eye, your heart and your soul to it. In the quietness you found all you were waiting for. In the quietness you found you. You found self control.
I had an eye appointment and even though my pupils had been dilated I decided I would go on a guilty pleasure trip to Ollie’s – Good Stuff Cheap!I just like saying that.I walked around the store not looking for anything in particular and almost made it to the cash register with just a pair of earbuds when I saw a Honeywell Deluxe Steel Security Box. An impulse purchase. It caught my eye so I purchased it and took it home with me.I placed it on the desk and went upstairs to lay down.
This morning with my eyes completely opened I saw the box on the table.I can not for the life of me even begin to understand why I thought I needed it.Everything I had personally worth protecting is lost, was lost, is gone. My partner, my husband, my marriage, the life we were building, my future.My everything.It relates to one of my daddy’s sayings, not his originally, and definitely one of Derrick’s favorites, “Don’t lock the barn after the horses got out!”
I really don’t need the box.Anything I have worth keeping is free.My life.My salvation. God’s grace.Jesus’s love and the blessings bestowed on me are many according to his word and his love for me.I am just fine.I am at peace at the life I have now and I pray that you will come to know that God loves you too and if you believe that Jesus Christ came to earth and died for our sins and rose again the riches of his glorious inheritance is yours also.
I’m going to take the security box back tomorrow. I have all the security I need and victory is already mines.
All of my children played instruments in school. Three of them were skilled in musical ability that they played more than one instrument. One had difficulty. The music teacher told me before she excused them from band, “She couldn’t carry a beat if you put it in a suitcase.” That might have been true but she finished out the year and what I remember about it was, she never gave up. She practiced, she never missed a class, she kept her instrument clean and she supported averyone else regardless of what instrument they were playing or how good or bad they played.
God has an orchestra comprised of every kind of instrument. Every musician comes to rehearsal prepared to play their best. Sometimes one part plays better than the others but God doesn’t want that. He keeps practicing them all until they perform the perfect symphony. One section may be out of tune so he will have the composer rewrite that section so they can stay in key. He doesn’t think the violins are better than the flutes. It is not possible. They are two different types of instruments. What he does think is he incorporated it all into an orchestra and every instrument will play its part until he decides the symphony can not get any better and at that time he will have the curtain call.
I’m sorry my baby did not get to play out her six years of band like her siblings did, but she did find her place at the events. She worked the concessions. 😉
Wonderers, those of you who are strong in faith need to help those who are trying to find their place. God is giving you strength for service not for a first chair position. Pick up your instrument and toot your horn so that others can hear the God in you and if you see someone else is having difficulty help them find the instrument (or not) that is right for them.
I’m packing my toothbrush once again and Alex and I are heading to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Six months ago I would have never thought I would see this city, it wasn’t even on my bucket list. But God had another plan for me. I wanted to travel. I thought about being an airline stewardess when I graduated from high school but fear of being inadequate stopped me dead in my tracks. I wasn’t pretty enough. Everyone always said I was cute but stewardesses back then were gorgeous. I was too skinny and any other negative thing I thought of that held me back. I see they have relaxed the standard.😋 Good for them. I have met some wonderful everyday kind of people. The elite have no power now. Just genuinely nice people.
God is giving me the opportunity to live out the life I wanted for myself and my children. He took me back to the age of 17 just before I married and had children to remove the spirit of inadequacy. I’m not going to waste it. I bought 6 toothbrushes to start, I never bring back the one I used in another environment (my dad’s rule😋) and I plan on leaving alot more behind before I’m done. Lord willing.
I’ll be singing like Shirley Jones this weekend. Ohhhhla homa!!!!! I can’t hardly wait.
Venture out with me Wonderers. I promise I’ll take plenty of pictures.
Honestly I didn’t want to blog. I feared my usage of the english language was substandard at best. But my daughter thought it would be a good idea for me to journal and started me on my way.
I’ve since learned that like in visual art, your talent is your talent. If it is authentic it will represent you. When I read my posts it reads like the thoughts in my head so it’s acceptable. I no longer worry about past tense or present tense, all the punctuation errors I learned in school and definitely not the grammar. It might be wrong but I only worry about the point of view. It is sincere?Is it humble? Are you hearing what I would have said if I was talking to you directly? Of course I do go back and try to correct my verbiage which might have been pointless because after I post I see yet another mistake I missed.
Like an original painting that is in process that everyone thinks is ugly you finished it for the one person who will see it’s beauty. The person who wants to own it. I have something to say to the universe and only a few will get it and it is okay. Tomorrow is another day I might reach another person.
God just wants us to keep trying and that’s what I’m going to do substandard and all. Besides that, it brings me joy.
We lust for the good life. We chase after success, fame, wealth and love. We’re so hard on the chase we miss the little opportunities that would have made a difference in where we end up,
In the pursuit of wealth we sacrifice our family. We miss reunions, dance recitals and kindergarten graduation because we think that job can not go on without us. Your children’s accomplishments needed that same respect. This was their one time event that went on without you and no matter how many pictures and videos were taken so you could “be there” you will never be apart of it.
In the pursuit of success set a ceiling for yourself and your family so the power does not go to your head. Your job’s congratulations and promotions are not the success your seeking. Your only the hero as long as you are there. Don’t let your job tell your family, “Thank you for sacrificing him.” Be the hero of your children. They know how hard you worked for them but they know so little about you personally because you were not there to tell all your success stories.
In the pursuit of fame you will never achieve it at your job. A job is means to support yourself not to make you famous. No matter how high you climb a fall from grace will make you start over again. Your family will always hold you in high esteem. Even if you falter they will hold you up until the end of time.
In the pursuit of love stay focused on the prize. Don’t get it twisted. As much as you think you love your job, it don’t love you. It will use you until it uses you up. Love is waiting for you to come home. There is dinner ready and the children are waiting to tell you all the exciting things that happened while you were at work.
Think about it. There are only 24 hours in a day. If you work 8-12 hours and get some sleep, how much time is left for your family. Your family is willing to make adjustment to make time for you to be home more. The question is, are you?
I love tea don’t you? I drink it so much I recently repurposed a chest as therapy for my broken heart. I refinished it to serve as a hot beverage bar. Sitting here having a tea break I had a thought. Okay, okay I know but stay with me here.
In your youth you don’t think of sinful things. You go in and out without much thought about it like the teabag you dunk in and out trying to keep the tea weak of flavor.
When your older you sin and you let it sit and fester growing stronger until you have no choice but to bind it to throw it east to west Like the teabag you let sit in the bottom of the cup steeping until it is black and strong. You take the string and wind it around your spoon to squeeze out every bit of juice before you realize it is done and you can throw it away before it permanently stains the cup.
Luckily we have a savior who gives us grace however the tea turns out. Please remember:
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”