Yesterday I landed myself into the hospital. Why? What happened you might ask? Fear. The same fear I said I was not feeling!
Well I thought I was not operating in fear. So let’s break it down.
Fear is defined in Dictionary.com as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
For the past few days my oldest daughter had observed that my face was swollen on one side. I saw it but I was not overly concerned about it. Yesterday she asked why was I speaking out of one side of my mouth. Okay! I’m a little concerned now but I move on with my day. “Promise me you’ll call your doctor Mom.” The last words she said to me.
I went on to get some chores completed and true I wasn’t feeling good but nothing really not out of the normal for me except now, I’m feeling impending doom. (Really it could have just been the feeling of impending housework. I like a clean house but I don’t care to do the cleaning). Anyway, the feeling is overwhelming and I start to cry. I pray about it and I then decide to go to urgent care just to get checked out and keep my promise. One ambulance ride and several test later, I get invited to a sleepover at the local hospital.
This morning the mediation is about casting your cares on Jesus. Yesterday I missed the mediation and it was on the topic of fear. This situation comes to mind as being a test. Not that God is testing me but he is convicting me. He did bring it to my attention that regardless of the pending test results he is paying close attention and I have nothing to be afraid of. He is the author of my life and Yesterday I was operating in fear. Fear for my children not for myself. Did I take care of everything. Will they be okay? I even mentioned it in my prayer. I was prepared for his will but what about my children. It was one of them that set this fear in my mind. Maybe the past experience of losing a parent who did not seek medical help influenced her. I had to ask myself am I afraid to be the parent and take the lead and make the decisions for myself and my family? I wasn’t being told by my own intuition that I needed medical attention. I’m not so sure. I do know now fear played a big part of me sitting on this hospital bed.
Fear can come in so many forms. I am not in fear for my future, of being alone or taking care of all the responsibilities left to me to discern. As confident as I am in God’s plans for my life I realize that there are still things I have not surrendered to Him.
If I have anything to fear it will be the hospital bill that’s following this venture. Nope Wonderers, it is already covered. Thank you Jesus!
Thank you for perusing and have a wonderful joyous day.
We ride the carousel round and round afraid to get off in fear that if we do, we will miss the last turn, so we ride until it stops. Why is that?
You had an opportunity to pick the horse. Maybe you picked the stationary one because you know your limitations. Maybe you picked the one moving up and down because you crave excitement. Just going round and round wasn’t enough. Or worse yet, you settled on the only available horse betting that nothing better would come along or the one you wanted wasn’t worth the work or the wait.
Looking back, were you wrong? Was your horse worth all you sacrificed for? Was your horse worth the ride? Only you know the answer to this question and only you know when it’s time to get off the sadly-go-round.
Is it time for a revision?
Look closely at your life and sort out all that is keeping you circling outside of your destiny. All that you need to succeed is already in you. You just need to be assertive on the merry-go-round. Ride it and build up your courage and strength then get off and live the life that is created just for you. That’s what you need to remember. The choice is still yours. You don’t have to keep riding the dark horse. You don’t have to keep riding in darkness. Let him take the reigns and together ride towards the sun. Your destiny awaits Wonderers.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
All of my children played instruments in school. Three of them were skilled in musical ability that they played more than one instrument. One had difficulty. The music teacher told me before she excused them from band, “She couldn’t carry a beat if you put it in a suitcase.” That might have been true but she finished out the year and what I remember about it was, she never gave up. She practiced, she never missed a class, she kept her instrument clean and she supported averyone else regardless of what instrument they were playing or how good or bad they played.
God has an orchestra comprised of every kind of instrument. Every musician comes to rehearsal prepared to play their best. Sometimes one part plays better than the others but God doesn’t want that. He keeps practicing them all until they perform the perfect symphony. One section may be out of tune so he will have the composer rewrite that section so they can stay in key. He doesn’t think the violins are better than the flutes. It is not possible. They are two different types of instruments. What he does think is he incorporated it all into an orchestra and every instrument will play its part until he decides the symphony can not get any better and at that time he will have the curtain call.
I’m sorry my baby did not get to play out her six years of band like her siblings did, but she did find her place at the events. She worked the concessions. 😉
Wonderers, those of you who are strong in faith need to help those who are trying to find their place. God is giving you strength for service not for a first chair position. Pick up your instrument and toot your horn so that others can hear the God in you and if you see someone else is having difficulty help them find the instrument (or not) that is right for them.
I’m packing my toothbrush once again and Alex and I are heading to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Six months ago I would have never thought I would see this city, it wasn’t even on my bucket list. But God had another plan for me. I wanted to travel. I thought about being an airline stewardess when I graduated from high school but fear of being inadequate stopped me dead in my tracks. I wasn’t pretty enough. Everyone always said I was cute but stewardesses back then were gorgeous. I was too skinny and any other negative thing I thought of that held me back. I see they have relaxed the standard.😋 Good for them. I have met some wonderful everyday kind of people. The elite have no power now. Just genuinely nice people.
God is giving me the opportunity to live out the life I wanted for myself and my children. He took me back to the age of 17 just before I married and had children to remove the spirit of inadequacy. I’m not going to waste it. I bought 6 toothbrushes to start, I never bring back the one I used in another environment (my dad’s rule😋) and I plan on leaving alot more behind before I’m done. Lord willing.
I’ll be singing like Shirley Jones this weekend. Ohhhhla homa!!!!! I can’t hardly wait.
Venture out with me Wonderers. I promise I’ll take plenty of pictures.
We lust for the good life. We chase after success, fame, wealth and love. We’re so hard on the chase we miss the little opportunities that would have made a difference in where we end up,
In the pursuit of wealth we sacrifice our family. We miss reunions, dance recitals and kindergarten graduation because we think that job can not go on without us. Your children’s accomplishments needed that same respect. This was their one time event that went on without you and no matter how many pictures and videos were taken so you could “be there” you will never be apart of it.
In the pursuit of success set a ceiling for yourself and your family so the power does not go to your head. Your job’s congratulations and promotions are not the success your seeking. Your only the hero as long as you are there. Don’t let your job tell your family, “Thank you for sacrificing him.” Be the hero of your children. They know how hard you worked for them but they know so little about you personally because you were not there to tell all your success stories.
In the pursuit of fame you will never achieve it at your job. A job is means to support yourself not to make you famous. No matter how high you climb a fall from grace will make you start over again. Your family will always hold you in high esteem. Even if you falter they will hold you up until the end of time.
In the pursuit of love stay focused on the prize. Don’t get it twisted. As much as you think you love your job, it don’t love you. It will use you until it uses you up. Love is waiting for you to come home. There is dinner ready and the children are waiting to tell you all the exciting things that happened while you were at work.
Think about it. There are only 24 hours in a day. If you work 8-12 hours and get some sleep, how much time is left for your family. Your family is willing to make adjustment to make time for you to be home more. The question is, are you?
In today’s time who would have thought you could be in a place with no internet connection? In the inner city no doubt! I’m living the dream traveling on a road trip but no matter what state of the art equipment you possess it means nothing without a signal. I’ve used 30gb of data in a week whereas that’s the usual plan for a household of 5 for a month and usually rolling over data. So let me be truthful I used 38gb in a week.
It now comes down to two choices.
I could stay dormant in my home with unlimited wifi and reach out to the world and beyond from my office chair, or
I could go out into the world and use up the data reaching out to people telling them about my observations and experiences.
Inside is like a silent prayer between me and my God where I patiently wait for a reply. Outside I’m boldly praying to God and the universe and even better he’s loudly answering my prayers with clarity.
Even in this heat this is a “no brainer.” I am going outside right after I upgrade my plan to unlimited data. 😊
There’s so much to see, so much to do. Do it with wonder.
Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so. I was told to paint. If you remember I had a canvas out waiting to start. I found this picture that I blogged in this post. So I’m updating the post to include my painting. I hope you enjoy it.
During the road trip To Philadelphia I came down for breakfast when I met Patricia. She said people call her Pat, some Tricia but family call her Patricia. She was older than me which made me feel comfortable. I always got along with older women.
After a few casual exchanges I asked if I could sit with her. We had a very long talk. She knew who I was because God sent her to give me a message. She started talking about her past which mirrored mines in so many ways. She gave confirmation to my thoughts. She had me down to the point of my existence. My attempt at existing.
We spoke of issues of abandonment, child molestation, physical abuse, verbal abuse, introverted shyness, being mean spirited, being angry with a hateful tongue, adultery, and all the other adversaries we encountered. Personalities that hid behind my confident smile.
And he still loves me. He chose me. He saved the spirit inside of me for a higher purpose. Elevated me from the mired in which I existed. Everything worked for good in the end. Even down to the reason why we were having breakfast. She was visiting with her daughters for a girl weekend just like me and my girls.
I was feeling hopeful so I showed her the pictures I took earlier that morning. I was so proud of the picture. She explained that I was the tall flower shinning in the light. The smaller flowers were babies in Christ. The flowers with lost peddles were older spirits and the dead flowers were all who had died and were waiting for Christ. The flower standing tall in the sun had come to it’s full potentials and was going to be plucked ….so I’ll tell you what I’ve learned.
Tomorrow is not promised. Live for God today. If you believe that Christ died for the sins of the world and rose again you will have salvation. There is nothing, nothing that can separate God’s love for you. There is nothing you could have done or had done to you that he will forsake you. Ask him for forgiveness with a grateful heart and he will save you. God is a God of love.
Love one another and love yourself.
Forgive yourself and forgive others.
Find joy in everything you do.
Live with appreciation and gratitude.
Pray about everything. Worry about nothing.
Meditation improves your relationship with God.
You don’t have to search for happiness. All God’s love is waiting for you!